so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
