I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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