He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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