Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
