well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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