I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
