you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
