Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
