Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
