Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
