Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
