He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
