the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize