their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
