Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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