you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
