She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
