I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
