Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize