This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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