We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
