So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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