someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
