Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My ass is underappreciated
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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