I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
