i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cat gives me a boner
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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