its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
