you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
