She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
