I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
