Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
