Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
