Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
