I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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