so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
