We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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