There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
