Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
