Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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