apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
