I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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