So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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