Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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