I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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