Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
