i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
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Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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