Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
