apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
