just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
