Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
