I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize