dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
