I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Someone shit on the floor
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
