my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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