Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We have so much sex to catch up on
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
