I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
