and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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