dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She said her name was "party"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
