I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
