I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
