Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
