Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
