you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
