I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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