when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
