I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
