If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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