she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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