so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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