Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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