Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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