Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
