that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
