Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
