did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
