Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
