I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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