I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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