these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
