He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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